Monster
by xXxMistressChaosxXx
Summary: he wished he knew what it was like to feel. he wished he knew what love was but he didnt. he showed love the way he thought it was shown and she never said a word other wise. listen to 'monster' by 'meg and dai' and review after you read please


**Sm101: this fic is to the song monster by meg and dai its very sad and has a small abusive lemon. Enjoy.**

_**His little whispers.  
Love Me. Love Me. That's all I ask for.  
Love Me. Love Me.**_

He walked through the cold snow; clothes tattered and shoes worn. His violet eyes life less with depths, looking past that only hate, sadness, and utter self lothing lay in their depths. So many emotions that shouldn't lie in the eye's of a child. He walked into what should be his home but wasn't, it was just a place to lie his head as he turned up the heat and stared blankly at a wall reflecting on his life. why? Why was their love so painful? He asked over and over again as he waited for the enevitable. He counted down in his head and as he hit the bottom in the door swung open. He didn't have to wait long for the stinging slap that knocked him from his chair. The shouts of a drunken man and woman arguing as the man grabbed the child by the hair bringing him to his feet. The bruising grip on his face as the hand made him stare into the same violet eyes as his own, only these filled with drunkin rage. Words of bastard child, whore, and monster were tossed around. He simply let the pain take him into the black abyss.

_**He battered his tiny fists to feel something.  
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.**_

He awoke an hour later his lip bleeding and his eye a little swollen, but the pain wasn't there, it was never there anymore and all he felt was numb as he stood and dragged his body to his room that was all the way in back of their house. As he reached his room, he climbed on his bed and moved the picture above it. The paint wall was dented and bloody, he repeatedly until his knuckles were bloody, but even then he didn't stop. He yelled and screamed and cried out. Why couldn't he hate them? He knew he hated but why didn't he feel it? He settled under his blanket after he couldn't move his hand anymore and stared at the ceiling until sleep clamed him.

He awoke his body sweating as his hands gripped the sheet with white knuckles. He dreamed of his childhood nearly every night now, but this was the first he'd ever dreamed of the day his father took his mother and never returned. He was no longer a child he'd grown his black hair in a pony tail and his violet eyes wide with fear as he waited for his _father_ to come in and show how much he _loved_ his son. He sat up when the door never opened and looked around his room; he looked over at the female staring at him. Why did she love him? How was he even capable of _love_ whatever that was?

"Are you ok?" her voice rang his ear as he turned his cold eyes to her she didn't flinch anymore when he looked at her "which one of your memories was it"

He didn't answer as he stood and went to their bathroom. He didn't keep a mirror in the room; his reflection was to disgusting to look at. No matter how handsome she said he was, or how much she claimed she loved him. He walked in and looked at her with rage in his eyes as tears ran down his face. She didn't flinch anymore at the rage. She didn't flinch when he walked over and slapped her. She didn't flinch when he roughly grabbed her hair and pulled her close to his face and smashed his lips to hers with too much force. _**  
**_

_**Monster.  
How should I feel?  
Creatures lie here.  
Looking through the window...**_

Tear ran from violet eyes as he kissed her neck and bite leaving bruises. She didn't turn him away because he was being to rough, she never did as he pinched and pulled her nipples harshly. As he wrapped his hand around he neck forcing her to kiss him, although she does it willingly. She only winced when he slammed into her without warning and didn't let up only increasing his hard thrusts and speed. She immediately dropped when his hand wrapped around the back of her neck to force her to bend over face down ass up. Oh how he loved her yet loathed that she loved a...a...a monster like him. Sango, his beloved Sango.

"Sango" he whispered her name

"Miroku" she moaned his as their bodies rocked together. Their breathing heavy as the smell of tears and sex filled the room as he cried and whispered 'I love you' and 'please don't leave me' over and over. They met their blissful peak together as they rolled and he held her to him as he cried himself back to sleep.

"Oh how I love you" Sango said in his chest as she breathed his scent "my monster, my Miroku"

_**That night he caged her.  
Bruised and broke her.  
He struggled closer.  
Then he stole her.**_

He was late coming home, he was never late over the past 8 years, but she waited. She waited way past midnight; past one, two, and three. He finally stumbled through the door with the help of Inuyasha and Kouga, friends from work. They carried him in and sat him in a chair half drunk themselves. She stood and went over to her love giving him water and aspirin before ushering them out. She shut the door behind them and turned to Miroku who slapped her swiftly to the ground. He pulled her up by her hair and looked in her eye's.

"Your out of the room" he hissed at her sake strong on his breathe and rage blazing in his eyes.

"I waited up for you. I got worried when you didn't come in at your usual time" she said, he laughed

"You worried over a monster?" his laugh was cold and full of malice "liar, liar, Sango"

He went into a room to check on the little form under the blankets pretending to be sleep, but he was to drunk to know I was pretending as he shut the door and went to his room saying 'sleep tight fluffy' before he goes.

_**Violet wrists and then her ankles.  
Silent Pain.  
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.**_

He awoke in a sweat again to look over at Sango and held her and cried all night as she comforted him while he kept his death grip on her. Neither noticed the little form that had watched the events after her door was closed. Neither knew that I knew what was happening behind closed doors. Neither ever paid attention to me anymore.

_**Monster.  
How should I feel?  
Creatures lie here.  
Looking through the windows.  
I will.  
Hear their voices.  
I'm a glass child.  
I am Hannah's regrets.**_

I know all about daddies past, how mommy came to know daddy. I know why he beats her and why they never pay attention to me, the word abortion stuck in my head. Silence is golden, that's what _uncle_ Sesshomaru says so that's what I am, silent. As silent as glass.

_**Monster.  
How should I feel?  
Turn the sheets down.  
Murder ears with pillow lace.**_

I cover my ears as the sounds of slapping and thuds reach my room, my hands aren't working so I use my pillow to muffle the sound. I know its wrong, mommy knows its wrong, but daddy thinks it's how you show love. That's why mommy allows it they love each other and she'll take his love anyway she can.

Something's different, daddy is...off. He's in so deep a thought he forgets to tuck me in, he has something in his hand, something big and heavy. He walks to the bathroom and shut door. I go to mommy and tells her but she says daddy's just taking a bath but I know something's off. His tears are showing but he's not going to mommy. I rush to the bathroom and press my ear to the door and hear liquid splashing into the tub but it's not the usual sound of the bath faucet. I shout for him buts it's too loud as I run to mommy who holds me as I try to take her to the bathroom.

_**There's bath tubs.  
Full of glow flies.  
Bathe in kerosene.  
Their words tattoed in his veins, yeah.**_

I run to the bathroom and look in the abnormally big key whole as I see daddy in his boxers smoking his cigarette. He's crying but I can tell it's not from the memories. He's mumbling to himself and it sounds like apologies. I'm scared now something is seriously wrong as he picks up an envelope and slides it under the door but I'm watching him and didn't notice. He steps into the tub and goes under soaking himself as he comes back up he grabs his cigarette and looks towards the door, no not the door, at me. He looks at me he sees me through the key whole with sad apologetic eyes as he says 'I love you' then drops his cigarette into the tub. The smell of kerosene hits my nose too late as the whoosh of flames erupts and fire dances in the tub and I have to move away as the heat begins to dance on the door. Mommy finally rushes to me as she smells fire and drags me away. But luckily a grabbed the letter as she rushes to call 911, I open the letter and read with numb hands and mind

_Dear Sango &Fluffy,_

_ I finally realize what I have done, why you let me do it I don't know. Never mind, yes I do, you love me. Sango, my dearest Sango why let me do it, why let me inflict pain upon you that you don't deserve. You dong deserve a monster like me as a husband and neither does fluffy. I love you both and I'm sorry I never showed it the way a normal man should. I'm sorry for being the monster I am but you have to be free so please live, and be loved the right way. I love you both and will always as I die like monster should._

_Love, your monster,_

_Miroku_

**Sm101: for those who are confused, Fluffy (thats her nick name), miroku and sango's daughter was telling hte whole story also go to youtube and listen to the song it'll probably make mor sense after you listen but plz read and review**


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